SELF GROWTH SKILLS
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I’ve seen countless people struggle with the ramifications of not saying “no” often enough, such as stress, mistakes, illness, and burnout. And I also struggle myself, especially over the last couple of months as my mother’s health has unexpectedly deteriorated rapidly.

When my mother’s cancer relapsed in January, I did what I counsel others to do. I stepped back and rethought my work+life fit. Until March, my work load and her care were compatible. Then things took an sudden downturn. She suddenly required major surgery, from which she hasn’t fully recovered. I found myself having to reevaluate my fit once again, and realized something had to give. I had to say “no.”

Professionally, saying “no” to new opportunities was difficult. But what really hurt was saying, “no” to commitments that I had already made. I could hear my father’s voice in my head, “You need to honor your commitments.” I never realized how important, “doing what I said I was going to do,” was to my definition of success. But the truth was, I couldn’t. So I gathered my courage, presented my situation, and to a person everyone said, “No problem.”

I had the same experience with the increased amount of care my mom required. At a certain point, I had to say, “I can’t.” And again, to a person everyone said, “No problem.”

What I realized was that by saying “no,” I was allowing others to step in and work with me to figure out an alternative solution. But unless I said “no,” they’d just assume everything was okay and I’d be unnecessarily overwhelmed.

I can already hear it now, “But aren’t you afraid of the negative ramifications of saying “no?” I was, until I realized once again that it’s always better to say something. Maybe those opportunities are gone forever, but I did what I needed to do. I believe this “what if” fear keeps us from honestly making the choices we need to make in order to readjust our fit when our circumstances change. So there’s one more thing I am going to say “no” to—worrying about the impact of “no.” Hey, I’m getting good at this!

By Cali Williams Yost